Do you have a cleaner?
If you do, do you clean the house before the cleaner arrives?
I know a few people who have a cleaner and do just that, quickly tidy up the house before the cleaner turns up to clean their house!
Why do people do that? What are they afraid of?
A cleaner by the very nature of their job, expects to clean up stuff that is messy, stuff that might be dirty, stuff that needs a good tidy up. People obviously have a need to tidy up and clean things around their house. If you have a cleaner it is most likely because you have not enough time clean your house and enough spare cash to pay for one. (Go you!)
So why pretend that you don’t make any kind of mess and hence don’t really need a cleaner in the first place!
I was thinking on this topic today as I was pondering why people who sign up for say a health or fitness program can’t actually start it. You have heard these statements ( I have as I have made most of them at one time or another!)
I will start doing that when I am a bit fitter ( even though that is the actual reason for starting the program, they are unfit and want to be fit )
I will go to that class when I have lost some weight ( because although I want to lose some weight, I feel too embarrassed to let people see me until I have!)
Why do we do that?
Why when we are vulnerable about something, do we think we can’t show it and have to tidy up around the edges a little to present a more acceptable veneer of vulnerability. We can’t show too much - because we don’t want people to think we are weird, but just enough so that people think we are approachable.
It is a hard balancing act and it is a big big road block to dealing with depression and moving forward with depression. We want people to know we are down, but we can’t actually bring ourselves to say the words. We just don’t like to be vulnerable, to let people know that we haven’t been able to hit the mark, do the work, juggle it all.
We judge ourselves the way we think others are judging us.
But in reality, in most cases, they actually aren’t judging us at all.
The cleaner is not thinking you are a pig, because your house is not immaculate when they arrive
The fitness group is not thinking your wobbly bod should have stayed inside
and your family and friends are not thinking you are a weirdo because you ask for help.
Don’t be afraid of your vulnerability.
You don’t need to tidy your life up to start to share it.
Brene Brown says it so well in this inspiring TedTalk from 2010. Enjoy if you haven’t seen it before. One of the best.